Why am I photographing blank canvas? Because I'm EXCITED about it..that's why!
When I got my art supply order in this morning, I felt like a kid at Christmas. I opened boxes and slung packing paper and bubble wrap everywhere! The I opened the box of blank canvases, then another box..it was beautiful! When I see a pure, white, unpainted canvas..I feel excitement and inspiration. My brain starts to trip over itself in imaging all the possibilities. All the ideas I've kicked around in my sketchbook or in my photo reference box start bubbling to the surface as I start sorting sizes and groupings of canvases. It takes all my willpower put the canvases in a safe storage place instead of ripping off the shrink wrap and getting started.
I didn't always feel excited. You know that feeling you used to get in school at journal writing time? The teacher gave the ambiguous "write in your journal for 20 minutes" command, you obediently open up to a fresh page of blue lined notebook paper, and felt your brain go as blank as the page you are staring at! Many artists and writers are struck immobile by this feeling. Is the pressure of what is expected? ruining the the page/canvas and wasting money? a complete lack of imagination? or just plain and simple fear?
It actually took my "business hat" to get over my own feelings of intimidation years ago. I had ordered a some large, watercolor sheets in bulk to get a better price, but each sheet was still expensive nonetheless. At least I felt it was expensive when I paid for it...about $4 a sheet. I taped one sheet down on a board and very....very lightly proceeded with a sketch to paint. Then I erased it. I drew again..then I erased it. I was so concerned that if this picture wasn't a "masterpiece" that I was wasting what precious money and materials that I had then. After many false starts I slowly and painstakingly began a watercolor painting. I was tentative and hesitant each step along the way. It would be an understatement to say I didn't enjoy painting during that particular piece.
Some time towards the end of the painting, I realized that the amount of time I spent agonizing over making a mistake was gone..unproductive and just gone. I could always buy more paper. Heck, if I ran out of money, I could soak down the paper and just start a new painting. But I could never get back that worrying time. As we all know (well..those of us over age 22 or so) time is the most precious asset we have. No amount of money brings it back.
When I understood that my time was much more valuable to me than the $4 sheet of watercolor
paper, the fear disappeared. It didn't go away overnight and I can't say I never worried again (trying using an $8 - 1 inch stick of green pastel for the first time!) but the worry passed in a matter of seconds..not days, hours or even minutes. Over time, squelching the fear became so second nature that I even started to get excited about new materials. Now..its like Christmas morning!
Oh..what did I finally paint on that precious sheet of watercolor paper? I have no idea! Must not have been my "masterpiece" after all!
